


regaining control

by oliviathecf



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: F/F, Female Jason Todd, Haircuts, Head Shaving, Rule 63, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 17:01:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16622873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oliviathecf/pseuds/oliviathecf
Summary: what does control even mean anyway?





	regaining control

**Author's Note:**

> This is very far outside of what I normally do. For one, there's no smut and there's only a very brief mention of a pairing. There's also no Lanterns. But there's something that really appealed to me about a rule 63 Jason shaving her head.
> 
> So I wrote it down, and here it is.
> 
> Enjoy.

Jay shaved her head that first morning she could move, because it felt like the only thing she had control over anymore. Her hair wasn’t something that she had control of before, not when Bryce preferred her girls to keep it long, keeping up with the image they presented. That long, straightened ponytail of black hair down to the small of her back.

Her entire body ached with each step she took, shifting herself off the bed and moving slowly over the carpet to the bathroom. The carpet felt like pins digging into her feet every time they sunk into the plush fabric, and the tiles of the bathroom felt even worse, but each step became a little easier. Jay was like a woman possessed, a singular desire that came before revenge or whatever idea she had, half-baked in her head.

The clippers were old, but they buzzed to life in her hand when she plugged them in. Jay spared the razor just one last spare glance, looking up at herself in the mirror. One of her eyes were bruised, blackened under Bryce’s fist, but faded with time. She really didn’t know how long she had been out for, at least a week of healing if not more, but every part of her was still sore. The bandages around her ribs made it harder to breathe, yet they held her together better than anything else in her life.

Jay wasn’t holding it together. But she could get a bit closer if she regained some sense of control over herself. Over her life, which had never belonged to her.

It hurt to reach above her head but the pain centered her, grounded her. It was the pain that was making her move without hesitation even as her hands shook. 

She already felt lighter with the first pass of the clippers, strands of long black hair landing at her feet.The next one curled over her left foot and she kicked it off with the other one, leaning against the bathroom sink. 

Jay moved quickly, in fear that she wouldn’t want to continue if she stopped. But there was no stopping, not now, not when she was already halfway there and starting to feel like her own person for the first time in a very long time. Maybe the first time ever.

Maybe she couldn’t ever be her own person, always a part of her under the shadow that Bryce created. But, as the last piece of her long hair fell around her feet, Jay started to think that maybe it was about time to try. 

Belatedly, she realized that she had given herself what felt like a post-breakup haircut, that old cliché, and was it really regaining control if you were doing it because of someone else? Was this just another way that Bryce had a hand in all of her actions?

And yet, Jay really couldn’t find herself to care about any of that. Because, as she set the clippers down onto the edge of the sink, she leaned in and got a look of herself in the mirror. Her face was no longer framed by too long black hair. 

She looked into her eyes and realized that she was finally seeing herself.

And, when she reached up to run her fingers over her new, buzzed hair, they weren’t shaking anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. Find me on tumblr.
> 
>  
> 
> [ Fic Blog (NSFW/18+). ](http://fanfictionolivia.tumblr.com/)


End file.
